i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
