You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
