your thong is hanging out like whoa
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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