C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
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I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.