Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights