Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
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I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
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Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!