Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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