Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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