Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm jealous of your bromance
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
