Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Come on in and take your pants off
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