At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
