There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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