The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You've changed since you got that strap on
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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