No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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