So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i will never coherently bang her
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
