How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
