so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
