My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
