We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
