I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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