just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
