Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
