GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
