Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
