You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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