WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You're like the curious george of whores
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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