If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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