how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
