I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
