I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
