Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
