not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
