Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
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Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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