Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
