he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
