i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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