Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Drunk is not a location!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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