he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
