Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
