he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
