I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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