He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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