Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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