he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
