I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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