Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
