I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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