apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
