Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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