I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
