Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
