he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
