people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
