woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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