I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize