Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
only if we run a train.
done.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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