its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
