end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
