Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
