1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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