You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
