omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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