I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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