Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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