Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My vagina is very pro this idea
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
