She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
