8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
