dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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