Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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