So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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